You may be able to feign disinterest in the wedding, but we know better. The M&G‘s resident royalist (who, come Kate and Wills’s big day, will be glued to the screen, tissues in hand, It Should Have Been Me t-shirt on) will be blogging the whole thing as it happens. Enjoy. Even if you have to pretend it’s just to give you something to chat to your gran about.
2:52:00 pm - Fri 29 Apr
So that’s that, it seems. Gin and tonics all round. Chin chin. Cheers.
2:35:37 pm - Fri 29 Apr
“The queen has decided that the time on the balcony is over”. I suppose that’s something you get to do, as queen.
2:32:11 pm - Fri 29 Apr
Most. Disappointing. Kiss. Ever.
2:26:34 pm - Fri 29 Apr
Everyone watching the curtains on the balcony for movement. Proper Peeping Tom stuff.
2:11:08 pm - Fri 29 Apr
I wonder if Kate is feeling smug yet? Or just hungry?
2:03:39 pm - Fri 29 Apr
I also don’t mean pictures of people around the world draped in Union Jacks. BBC. Try harder. Don’t think you can get away with this just because you know that no one will stop watching until they see a royal snog.
1:47:48 pm - Fri 29 Apr
And by “interesting”, I do not mean interviews with children who are also standing around waiting for something to happen.
1:46:32 pm - Fri 29 Apr
It seems we have hit that bit of the day where everyone waits around. I will now top up my G&T and wait for something interesting to happen.
1:23:54 pm - Fri 29 Apr
All that waving must be exhausting, kids. Take a tip from your grandparents, and sit grimly in your carriage instead.
1:10:35 pm - Fri 29 Apr
So that’s that, then. No alarms, no surprises. Unless William trips over his bride’s train, which he is trying very hard not to do right now.
12:55:09 pm - Fri 29 Apr
God save the Queen. Or, as William says it, God save Granny.
12:40:57 pm - Fri 29 Apr
The Bishop of London is now giving his sermon. The couple are looking a bit sleepy. But everyone is still awake. Even Prince Phillip.
12:31:34 pm - Fri 29 Apr
Kate’s brother just became the most eligible man in England. If he’s single, I mean. Not that that really seems to matter all that much.
12:28:27 pm - Fri 29 Apr
Kate’s brother. Serious chap.
12:23:17 pm - Fri 29 Apr
It’s all done. That was quick. If only all weddings went that quickly.
12:20:35 pm - Fri 29 Apr
William babbled his way through the vows. Kate squeaked through hers.
12:17:55 pm - Fri 29 Apr
OOH. The scary bit. The “any objections?” bit. I always get so tense.
12:15:29 pm - Fri 29 Apr
Astonishing. Even at royal weddings, people shuffle about and mumble and only mouth the words to the hymns.
12:11:16 pm - Fri 29 Apr
Harry checks out the bride, and then makes a comment to William. Wonder what he said? Ooh.
12:07:29 pm - Fri 29 Apr
I hope William likes the dress as much as these squeaky presenters seemed to.
12:02:39 pm - Fri 29 Apr
I assume the whole internet will crash in about three minutes, as Kate gets out of the car.
11:59:57 am - Fri 29 Apr
Teeny tiny flower girl holding flowers onto head. She should have used the same hat glue everyone else seems to have been using to keep their hats stuck to their foreheads.
11:57:02 am - Fri 29 Apr
The bride is on the way. Her hair seems to be loose. Which is nice. But I would like to remind you all of the FOUR MONTHS of planning that went into that hairstyle.
11:52:09 am - Fri 29 Apr
Queen has arrived at the church. Prince Phillip at the back, keeping quiet (as per instruction, probably).
11:48:52 am - Fri 29 Apr
The designer of Camilla’s dress designed it in a “swingy” style, according to the BBC presenter. Not the best choice of words, perhaps.
11:41:34 am - Fri 29 Apr
Charles and Camilla arrive in an old car.
11:38:16 am - Fri 29 Apr
I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with all these minibuses and buses and taxis delivering dignitaries to the church. I want to see chariots and pumpkins.
11:36:33 am - Fri 29 Apr
Kate’s brother and mum have just arrived. Mother of the Bride is shaking hands with various church officials. Crazy hats all round.
11:33:57 am - Fri 29 Apr
Many monarchs arriving now. I bet you didn’t know there WERE so many. It’s good for the gene pool to keep them around, you see. Makes this “marrying a commoner” thing a bit less likely.
11:28:41 am - Fri 29 Apr
Prince Albert of Monaco and his Benoni-born bride-to-be just arrived.
11:27:05 am - Fri 29 Apr
The Sultan of Brunei just walked in. One of the richest men in the world.
11:19:37 am - Fri 29 Apr
They are driving to Westminster Abbey in a Bentley. Not a blue light in sight. Just saying.
11:18:28 am - Fri 29 Apr
Princes William and Harry have just left. Girls fainting and screaming like banshees. William in his red uniform, Harry in his black one.
11:15:11 am - Fri 29 Apr
William and Harry about to leave Clarence House. Girls waiting outside are preening.
11:08:26 am - Fri 29 Apr
David Cameron and his wife have just arrived, and they are being seated in the choir. I hope they can sing.
11:06:26 am - Fri 29 Apr
I’m not sure about you, but if people turned up to MY wedding wearing wedding dresses, I would be highly annoyed.
10:52:35 am - Fri 29 Apr
Elton John has arrived. In purple sunglasses. As you do.
10:49:51 am - Fri 29 Apr
According to the hairdressers, it has taken four months to plans Kate’s hairstyle for today. Um.
10:45:20 am - Fri 29 Apr
The mayor of London appears to have run out of time this morning while getting ready. Unless he just FORGOT to brush his hair? Either way. it worries me that the presenter just pointed out that he is looking smarter than ever. Does he usually wear dungarees?
10:39:38 am - Fri 29 Apr
Another hat stuck to the front of someone’s face! I’m starting to think it may, in fact, be deliberate.
10:36:00 am - Fri 29 Apr
Victoria Beckham’s hat is a “pillbox hat”, apparently. Useful, for big occasions like this. You know, if you need something to, um, calm the nerves.
10:33:47 am - Fri 29 Apr
Mr Bean has arrived! Or is it Blackadder? Risky person to invite to a royal wedding, either way. He’ll either try to steal the crown and the throne or trip over the Archbishop.
10:25:30 am - Fri 29 Apr
I’m not entirely sure Victoria Beckham should be allowed to put on her hats without assistance in the future.
10:20:06 am - Fri 29 Apr
Ooh! Beckhams have arrived. No, America. They are NOT royals. And they are not Posh. It was just a nickname, I promise.
10:15:45 am - Fri 29 Apr
Ooh! It’s all starting to look like it does on the postcards.
10:06:01 am - Fri 29 Apr
Watching the posh types streaming into the church. Pink appears to be the new beige. Every shade from Brightest Fuchsia to Mildly Sunburnt Briton.
10:01:10 am - Fri 29 Apr
It is good to see that, presumably in the interests of off-setting this wedding’s carbon footprint, someone has decided to plant some trees in the church.
9:58:59 am - Fri 29 Apr
So no, I am not in the best mood. My tiara has lost its shine. Alas, the same cannot be said about that man’s suit.
9:52:24 am - Fri 29 Apr
About two hours to go. And I haven’t had much sleep. Fretful night. Dreams about things that could go wrong today — the corgis running off with the ring, Kate running off with William’s better-looking brother, Prince Phillip swearing at the Archbishop of Canterbury.
6:13:20 pm - Thu 28 Apr
Taking a week’s worth of Daily Mails to bed with me now. Hope I can sleep. Too excited.
5:51:11 pm - Thu 28 Apr
Of course, when I say “important”, I mean “expensive”.
5:49:13 pm - Thu 28 Apr
Just over 18 hours to go. I think I need an early night. Tomorrow is going to be so very, very important.